Today, there is one article in particular that's taking my Facebook by storm, Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed . It's a very interesting read, and I was very entertained. I feel very informed after hearing another opinion on the whole dating versus courting thing. There were some things I wasn't aware of, so it was worth a read. If you haven't read it yet, I recommend you go ahead and take a quick look at it. I don't expect you to totally agree on it, not everyone else on Facebook has (like myself), but it's still eye-opening and worth a read.
Now, I don't totally disagree with it all. A good deal of the post, over half of it I think, I very much agreed on. I think I'll start with the stuff I really did like, and wish I could give the author a hearty fist-pump for:
- I love how he actually did research. He seems genuinely curious about the topic and even put together a website for people to discuss it. I think that's smart and just plain cool.
- Although I feel like it wasn't exactly emphasized throughout the article, it was mentioned at the beginning that the descriptors he uses for courtship aren't the same for all people. I appreciate that addition, because it's really true.
- I loved, loved, loved the whole part about "going steady". It was discouraged in relationships at younger ages, but encouraged in relationships as people aged.
- His point that nobody is ever genuinely ready to get married. It is important to realize this so that you lean on God for your help when you need it, because nobody is ever ready! We're all messed up humans, so no marriage will ever be one hundred percent perfect.
- He kinda went through a history of dating since the 1940s. It was informative on how different ideas of dating and courtship have come about.
- It was honest. Courtship can't avoid heartbreak.
As a kid and to this day, I personally hate the dating-around game. Not getting too attached to anyone so I can test out different personalities, not tie my heart too close to someone, just enjoy dating different guys to 'test the water' so to speak, so "I know what to look for in a husband." But what most people fail to realize in this culture is that you don't have to date around to find a husband. I mean honestly, why not be friends? You can get to know guys so much better and find out about personalities and such just by getting to know them. And believe it or not, it's possible to do without dating. I've done it (gasp!).
Not that I don't like the idea of dating. I really do like it. It seems a lot more relaxed than the stereotypical version of courting. But the idea of dating-around just doesn't sit well in my stomach.
Since I was little, I thought the dating-around thing as shoe shopping. You come into the store with the type of shoe you know you want and need, with the size and everything. But, you see an adorable pair of shoes thinking, Oooh, I know I won't buy these, but I want to try them on anyway. And so you do, and then you put them back on the shelf.
Then there is a different, happier story when you go into the shoe store with no clue as to what you really want; you can try on a pair of shoes that you're really just drawn to (and alas, if they don't fit, you know they aren't the ones). But if they do fit, hooray! You've found them and you know it's meant to be, that these shoes are destined to reside in your closet (sorry guys, this analogy probably isn't as relatable to you as it is to me). I haven't analyzed it closely, but I'm pretty sure this analogy is full of holes. Anyway, I hope my holey analogy doesn't keep you from understanding my point.
I think in the end people are better off succeeding in a romantic relationship if they have a good friendship as a foundation. Not just because their attractive or they 'complete you' or you just logically go well together. Please don't go church shopping with the hope of finding a spouse, because that's not what churches were made for (I may be wrong, please correct me if I am). Personally, neither spouse-hunting or date-counting is high on my to-do list. It wasn't high on Saint Paul's list, so I'm assuming that I'm okay.
In the end, this article left me with a lot to say. I didn't want to write a book on it, so I figured I'd stop here. The moral of the story is this: different ideas float different boats. If someone 'courts' or 'dates' (I use those terms loosely, because definitions of them vary from person to person), please don't judge them for it. Some do it because they're following their consciences, and other do it because they wish to honor their parents. I don't think anyone can ever get it completely right, because we are all flawed human beings. Whether you court or date, even if you have good intentions, you're going to hit some bumps in the road just because you're dating another flawed human. There is no correct formula. Follow your Bible, follow your conscience, and if you're a kid, honor your parents. That's a commandment, kids. Courting and dating doesn't even have a spot on the big ten.
While everyone was giving their two cents on it all over Facebook, I decided to add my two cents as well in the form of a blog post, for fear of disrupting bored people on my newsfeed who are just looking for cute pictures or funny Vine videos (I'm guilty, I admit). I hope my post didn't bore you too much, and I hope you found it encouraging. I apologize ahead of time, if I stepped on anybody's toes.
Blessings~