Life's been crazy around here lately. I have only one summer class I'm taking, and we're going to be visited by a lot of company this week. Tomorrow some friends from Colorado are in town, and then this weekend some friends from South Korea will be visiting. As exciting as all of this is, I have to help clean, shop for ingredients for the meals this week, and somehow do well on my Spanish exam tomorrow. Yesterday, it just got too much, and instead of cleaning or studying, I crawled under some blankets and drank hot tea. It's during these times I go to the "nothing" wire of my brain and travel up and down it for awhile. When I'm not on the "nothing" wire, I talk to God. I've always depended on him, but these days, I've grown to do more so.
Sometimes I hate how fragile I am. Today's culture glories in the strong, independent female. Feminism ideas have grown stronger, and people call for equal rights between the sexes. But honestly, if there was a battle, I would lose. People in today's culture would exclaim, "You are strong! You are not weak, you're strong!" But I tell you, from a lifetime's experience, I am not. I hate how fragile I am.
In a splurge of pure honesty, at first I wrote several paragraphs on my fragility. I complained that I was too emotional for my own good, that trusting hurts sometimes, and that my dependency puts limits on me. In frightening moment of vulnerability, I exposed my thoughts and fears. But those things aren't important, and I deleted the whole thing.
Those things aren't important because I don't want those feelings to keep me from doing what I want to do, or from what I feel called to do. I've been practicing stepping out of my comfort zone. God has made this big, beautiful world, that just screams, "Explore me!" The thought of stepping outside my door is scary, but I do it every day. I do it, knowing I'll weep and rejoice. I do it, trusting in the Being that is always trustworthy. I do it, depending on God, the most dependable. I do it, casting my cares on Him. Heck, I made this blog to encourage me to expect the unexpected, try the most darndest things, and explore where I would have never gone before! So I'm going to work hard and make the most of it, I'm going to try everything and be busy doing all of it! I'm going to be tired, but I'm going to do things worth being tired over! I might not ever be totally comfortable out there, but I know that's where I'm meant to be.
Here's to being busy outside my comfort zone~
Sometimes I hate how fragile I am. Today's culture glories in the strong, independent female. Feminism ideas have grown stronger, and people call for equal rights between the sexes. But honestly, if there was a battle, I would lose. People in today's culture would exclaim, "You are strong! You are not weak, you're strong!" But I tell you, from a lifetime's experience, I am not. I hate how fragile I am.
In a splurge of pure honesty, at first I wrote several paragraphs on my fragility. I complained that I was too emotional for my own good, that trusting hurts sometimes, and that my dependency puts limits on me. In frightening moment of vulnerability, I exposed my thoughts and fears. But those things aren't important, and I deleted the whole thing.
Those things aren't important because I don't want those feelings to keep me from doing what I want to do, or from what I feel called to do. I've been practicing stepping out of my comfort zone. God has made this big, beautiful world, that just screams, "Explore me!" The thought of stepping outside my door is scary, but I do it every day. I do it, knowing I'll weep and rejoice. I do it, trusting in the Being that is always trustworthy. I do it, depending on God, the most dependable. I do it, casting my cares on Him. Heck, I made this blog to encourage me to expect the unexpected, try the most darndest things, and explore where I would have never gone before! So I'm going to work hard and make the most of it, I'm going to try everything and be busy doing all of it! I'm going to be tired, but I'm going to do things worth being tired over! I might not ever be totally comfortable out there, but I know that's where I'm meant to be.
Here's to being busy outside my comfort zone~